Introduction to the Crisis

Standing in a holy sanctuary, an unfolding crisis is happening all across America. Those standing to lead their congregation every Sunday in love and sacrifice have been quietly experiencing this crisis. Behind closed doors many of the leaders have watched as their marriage and family life has been pushed past the breaking point because of the pressure of ministry. Through Seer of Grace Studio’s research and first-hand interviews we plan to shed light on this hidden crisis that remains in plain sight. The questions that demand answers are not just for the leadership but for the very Church herself.

A survey done by Lifeway research has found 72% of pastors believe ministry places “significant stress” on their families. Another report from Barna highlights a staggering 37% of pastors struggling to put their spouse and family ahead of their work at the church. This crisis is spiritual and systematic. In this investigative report we ask complex questions: How frequently are pastors sacrificing their marriage on the altar of ministry? And what can alleviate the family collateral damage?

Letting the data speak: Calculating the Damage

First let’s take a look at the numbers that are behind this crisis and the pain felt by many.

38 % of pastors are consider resignation	Barna
44 % of clergy have considered leaving their current church since the pandemic.	Hartford Institute
49% of clergy spouses agree that congregational demands interfere with our family’s free time together during the week.	Lifeway Research
Work‑to‑Family Conflict (WFC) is a primary stressor; high Differentiation of Self buffers burnout.	Frederick’s clergy sample

The data above and to the left showcases a real systemic issue. This isn’t just one denomination this is spread out across the entire church. The issue is in the constant demand the congregations need of the pastor’s availability. Until there is a healthy balance marriages and families continue to break.

Personal stories: Behind the Church Walls

To gain an honest perspective of the persistent nature of being a pastor, we spoke with seasoned evangelist and former pastor of Grace Embassy, Jeff Taylor. To listen to Jeff Taylor’s full thoughts on this matter, take a listen to the podcast segment below.

“You carry ministry 24 hours a day. Most people clock out at five—ministers can’t.”

Jeff Taylor

Throughout our interview, Taylor stressed a radical transparency and accountability systems that play a vital role in safeguarding not only his marriage but his mental health. The relationship with his wife, Kelly, is strongly anchored by a purposeful over communication style. They view their partnership as a vital key in a ministry that is effective. Jeff Taylor shares more wisdom on how to maintain the balance in ministry and marriage in these two YouTube segments.

 “The biggest tool Kelly and I use is over-communication. It’s never a have-to; it’s always a get-to,”

Jeff Taylor

Pastor Larry Lowry from a Church of God of prophecy in Douglasville, GA speaks to the experience he and his family had surrounding the consequences of being available constantly.  Pastor Lowry recounts on the boundaries he had to establish for him and his family. He opens up with pure honesty about the dangers that could have happened in his marriage, if he had not set those boundaries. He also parallels Jeff Taylor’s sentiments concerning the strong bond found in their marriages respectively.Below is a segment of our interview with Pastor Larry Lowry.

“You do not have to answer every phone call 24 hours a day,”

Larry Lowry

The Married Experience: Ministry as Family

It may look as if expert and seasoned ministers arrived at these conclusions pretty easily. But how does it look like for a newlywed couple to first start out in ministry? James and Senona Hopkins started traveling significantly with gospel singer and evangelist Nancy Harmon early in their marriage. Speaking with them we learned of the unique stresses that they faced in maintaining the unity of their family in the midst of a demanding traveling schedule.

Senona reflects with a smile on her face, “It was a process we learned and how to treat both are family and ministry as sacred assignments. My family was my first ministry.”

James emphasized how ministry was interwoven with his family and how it was a springboard for his time traveling. “As a husband and father ministry wasn’t just a separate thing. It was foundational in my role as husband and father.” It was clear through speaking to them that their experience Came with ups and downs but included consecrated moments of reconnection where they set the boundaries for their family time and ministry time. James and Senona both emphasized the need for “embracing honest communication”

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Catholic Worldview: To Discern the Call

A former Protestant missionary and current men’s group leader, Nathan Dickerson offers his understandings from a Catholic worldview giving clarity to vocations. According to Dickerson the Catholic Church has a clear set of distinctions when it comes to locations that help protect the families of the church and also strengthens the ministries within.

One of the distinctions we have in the Catholic Church is that marriage is a vocation. In the Roman rite you’re either a priest or you’re married

Nathan Dickerson

This is a sharp contrast to the Protestant faith in that pastors can also be married and have families. For the Catholic Church this creates a line that is blurred and takes away the importance of family obligations. The Catholic Church clearly defines vocations in a way that aims to prevent these boundaries becoming blurred to alleviate negative effects on families.

The priest, his spouse is the Church. And holy orders like a monk, their spouse becomes God himself. Being a husband and a father isn’t a separate role from being in ministry, it’s the foundation of it.

Nathan Dickerson

Dickerson also emphasizes Saint Thomas Aquinas, and the hierarchy understood as “ordo amoris” (the order of love.) For Catholics, priesthood & marriage are considered two of the seven sacraments respectively.

It’s God, spouse, kids, and then community.

Nathan Dickerson

This structure can help Catholics and Protestants alike, as it creates a balance in life for those who feel the call to serve at the Church. While the Catholic and Protestant worldview is different, using the order of love can help maintain a healthy boundary in life.

Examining the Data

In reviewing our interviews and the research on pastor burnout for this article 4 main factors stand out.

1. Spiritual dryness
   1. A main contributor to pastoral burnout is the lack of time spent in the presence of God. (Chandler, 2009)
2. Work to family conflict (WFC)
   1. A cause of relational strain inside of marriages is that the ministry often requires constant obligations that conflict with family obligations. (Frederick,2023)
3. Continuous availability
   1. According to our interviews with Evangelist Jeff Taylor and Pastor Larry Lowry, ministry is 24/7. This can often because pastors to blur the lines between their personal life and divine calling. 
4. Identity blending
   1. Pastors can often make their identity entirely based upon their role and divine calling as pastors. This can create performance anxiety and the fear of constant failure.

Building Blocks for Restoration

Based upon the research and interviews these four building blocks are the start of catching and healing pastoral burnout.

1. Renew
   1. Spending time daily renewing one’s Spirit and mind in the presence of God. 
2. Rest
   1. Make priority for sabbaticals and dedicated times for family.
3. Differentiate
   1. Make time to clarify one’s identity that is beyond the divine call.
4. Partner
   1. start to view your spouse as a key ministry partner.

Conclusion

Whether you are married are seeking to be married the findings within this article create a clear picture: One should never sacrifice the marriage for the demands of ministry. The need for support for the families of pastors should be a high priority for denominational leaders. Healthy pastors will lead healthy and thriving congregations. This report is just the tip of the iceberg to call the church in making time for the family health of pastors and pastures in general.